Friday, April 23, 2010

What's the opposite of an "Ah Ha moment"...(insert awkward pause here)

This has been one HELL of a week...Three 14+ hour days at work, one very late night out celebrating a coworker's birthday (and in the club business, the cake doesn't get cut until 3am) on top of my normal crazy busy hectic NYC lifestyle. Actually come to think of it...I haven't had a NOT super busy week since I was home sick with the swine flu- yes really.

So anyway, even though I consider myself a VERY inquisitive and curious person, I haven't had the time for serious introspection in quite a long while- basically since I got a puppy (more on her later).

Tonight while standing on a red carpet in front of a film premiere I was running, I was SMACKED in the face with a pretty intense question that I really couldn't answer. A client randomly strikes up a casual convo with me (hey those are great shoes! Oh, you know so-and-so) then comes out of nowhere with a whopper: "What is your ultimate goal in life"? (What is my ULTIMATE goal in LIFE I thought...durrrr....At what might have been an Oprahesque "Ah Ha" moment, I just drew a blank so I tossed out a somewhat sarcastic response "to be on Oprah" thinking he'd chuckle and moveon. But he wouldn't let it go..."No, bigger than that," he persisted. "If you had no limitations and money wasn't a factor, what would you dream to accomplish."

This FLOORED me. To be honest...I could not come up with a concrete answer to that question. And I really really wish that I could. I'm a firm believer that what we believe and what we put out is what we become. If I don't know what I want to become, what type of message am I putting out there? I can't pinpoint a single quantifiable "goal" or achievement that I absolutely must attain. I certainly don't want to be famous and though I wouldn't mind being rich, money clearly isn't everything to me. Am I just throwing a big mindless Homer Simpson "D'oh" statement into the universe rather than a mission statement??

Now, I know that I have improved as a person significantly over the last few years and I'm really proud of the growth I have accomplished by thinking positively and avoiding people and habits that have degraded me in the past. That being said, I think I'm at a point in my life where I really want to think about my goals. What I REALLY want to accomplish. And not some bullshit answer that sounds good in a blog post. But what I will kick myself for not doing when I'm 95 years old and losing my marbles.

I hope I'm not up all night thinking about this...tomorrow me and my pooch are going to sit in a park and meditate about the future. Or maybe we'll just snuggle and play fetch. I will let her decide.